But what a surprise was awaiting me there,
My throat went as dry as a bone.

I saw my baby at the video store,
On the cover of something rude.
Ten fine men of various backgrounds,
Nude, screwed, blewed and tattooed.

I rented my baby from the video store,
In something called "Four on the Floor."
I felt my stomach coming up thru my nose,

I tripped puking, running out of the door.
I tripped puking, running out of the door.
I tripped puking, running out of the door.

Stumbling home, I got hit by a car;
But the driver said that I was all right.
I ran out of money and fell down at the bar,
Blood, sweat and tears pouring out of my eyes.

My stomach was hemorrhaging and so was my heart.
The love of my life is a whore.

I saw my baby at the video store,
She was having a really swelled time.
Hotdogs, popcorn, two Chevrolets,
And gosh, I never seen so many behinds!

I rented my baby from the video store.
Say, that toilet seat doesn't look clean.
One little, two little, three little idiots,

Reamed, steamed, creamed and dry-cleaned.
They was reamed, steamed, creamed and dry-cleaned.
They was reamy, steamy, creamy, dry-cleaned.

When I woke up that evening in the hospital room,
My fingers darted straight for her throat.
The doctor shot me up with a drug Elvis loved,
And all my problems seemed relieved and remote.

In my dilaudid out bliss I saw my fiancee kiss,
Every man in the country named "John." ???

I saw my baby at the video store.
What's he got underneath that big hat?
Electric tools only welders can use,
I wonder where she learned to do that?

I rented my baby from the video store.
Oh please Mr. Johnson, don't hit her!
Whap, crack, pow look what she's doing now:
I didn't think those bennies would fit her.

I saw my baby at the video store.
Say, isn't that building a barn?
Moosies, goosies, milking the cows:
I guess that she was doing no harm.

I rented my baby from the video store.
I doubt those sheets could get any wetter.
Lick, lick, lickety, lickety split.
I must say that she never looked better.

I gotta say she never looked better.
I must admit she never looked better.