Burned down the barn,
Butt-raped my niece.
Flooded the basement,
Kicked in Junior's teeth.
I drank too much now what a mess I'm in.

It appears I drank too much and pissed on the kitchen floor.
Then I woke up in some trailer laying aside a dead whore.

Broken glass all around,
Lotsa blood in the sink.
Bite marks up and down my arms,
I could sure use a drink.
I drank too much and started a racial war.

My granny sez I'm a stinking, drinking, no-good tub of lard.
But she's just pissed cos I charged them tranny hookers on her credit card.
Hot-wired my ex-wife's truck and parked it in her living room,
I done told her there ain't no way I'd be able to repay her anytime soon.

They say I trashed a church and desecrated Jewish graves.
Threw a brick thru my boss's windshield, they got it all on the videotape.
It started out all nice enuff wif a couple o' innocent beers,
The lawyer sez without big bucks I won't get out for years.

It seems I drank too much and soon got led astray.
I pulled a knife on a couple of queers cos I thought they were gay.

Pistol-whipped the preacher,
Stuck the tractor in the mud.
Robbed a liquor store,
Drowned the baby in the tub.
I drank too much; they're sending me away.

Shot my mother's dog,
Drove her car off a cliff.
Woke up in jail all bloody and stiff.

I drank too much and now it's time to pay.
They say I drank too much, they're sending me away.
I drank too much and now it's time to pay.